Written by Wajeeh ul Hassan.
Once upon a time, there was a considerate boy called Jorden Sam. He was on the way to see his Gregory Vader when he decided to take a short cut through Hampstead Heath.
It wasn’t long before Jorden got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, Miss Piggy, but Miss Piggy was nowhere to be found! Jorden began to panic. He felt sure he had packed Miss Piggy. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry. Its a Witch.
Unexpectedly, he saw a scruffy mouse dressed in a green bowler hat disappearing into the trees.
“How odd!” thought Jorden.
For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed mouse. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.
Eventually, Jorden reached a clearing. In the clearing were three houses, one made from pods of peas, one made from fruit gums, and one made from cupcakes.
Jorden could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.
“Hello!” he called. “Is anybody there?”
Jorden looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else’s chimney. Obviously, it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.
A cackle broke through the air, giving Jorden a fright. A witch jumped into space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Miss Piggy!
“Miss Piggy!” shouted Jorden. He turned to the witch. “That’s my toy!”
The witch just shrugged.
“Give Miss Piggy back!” cried Jorden.
“Not on your nelly!” said the witch.
“At least let Miss Piggy out of that cage!”
Before she could reply, two scruffy mouses rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Jorden recognized the one in the green bowler hat that he’d seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognize him too.
“Hello Big Mouse,” said the witch.
“Good morning.” The mouse noticed Miss Piggy. “Who is this?”
“That’s Miss Piggy,” explained the witch.
“Ooh! Miss Piggy would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!” demanded the mouse.
The witch shook her head. “Miss Piggy is staying with me.”
“Um… Excuse me…” Jorden interrupted. “Miss Piggy lives with me! And not in a cage!”
Big Mouse ignored him. “Is there nothing you’ll trade?” he asked the witch.
The witch thought for a moment, then said, “I do like to be entertained. I’ll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door.”
Big Mouse looked at the house made from cupcakes and said, “No problem, I could eat an entire house made from cupcakes if I wanted to.”
“That’s nothing,” said the next mouse. “I could eat two houses.”
“There’s no need to show off,” said the witch. Just eat one front door and I’ll let you have Miss Piggy.”
Jorden watched, feeling very worried. He didn’t want the witch to give Miss Piggy to Big Mouse. He didn’t think Miss Piggy would like living with a scruffy mouse, away from his house and all his other toys.
The other one mouses watched while Big Mouse put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.
“I’ll eat this whole house,” said Big Mouse. “Just you watch!”
Big Mouse pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from fruit gums. He gulped it down smiling and went back for more.
Eventually, Big Mouse started to get bigger – just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of fruit gums, he grew to the size of a large snowball – and he was every bit as round.
“Erm… I don’t feel too good,” said Big Mouse.
Suddenly, he started to roll. He’d grown so round that he could no longer balance!
“Help!” he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.
Big Mouse never finished eating the front door made from fruit gums and Miss Piggy remained trapped in the witch’s cage.
Average Mouse stepped up, and approached the house made from cupcakes.” I’ll eat this whole house,” said Average Mouse. “Just you watch!”
Average Mouse pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from cupcakes. She gulped it down smiling and went back for more
After a while, Average Mouse started to look a little queasy. She grew greener…
A woodcutter walked into the clearing. “What’s this bush doing here?” he asked.
“I’m not a bush, I’m a mouse!” said Average Mouse.
“It talks!” exclaimed the woodcutter. “Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I’d better take it away before somebody gets hurt.”
“No! Wait!” cried Average Mouse, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the mouse away under his arm.
Average Mouse never finished eating the front door made from cupcakes and Miss Piggy remained trapped in the witch’s cage.
“That’s it,” said the witch. “I win. I get to keep Miss Piggy.”
“Not so fast,” said Jorden. “There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from pods of peas. And I haven’t had a turn yet.
“I don’t have to give you a turn!” laughed the witch. “My game. My rules.”
The woodcutter’s voice carried through the forest. “I think you should give him a chance. It’s only fair.”
“Fine,” said the witch. “But you saw what happened to the mouses. He won’t last long.”
“I’ll be right back,” said Jorden.
“What?” said the witch. “Where’s your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Miss Piggy back.”
Jorden ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small campfire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from pods of peas and toasted it over the fire.
Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.
Jorden sat down on a nearby log.
“You fail!” cackled the witch. “You were supposed to eat the whole door.”
“I haven’t finished,” explained Jorden. “I am just waiting for my food to go down.”
When Jorden’s food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from pods of peas. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.
Eventually, after several sittings, Jorden was down to the final piece of the door made from pods of peas. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Jorden had eaten the entire front door of the house made from pods of peas.
The witch stamped her foot angrily. “You must have tricked me!” she said. “I don’t reward cheating!”
“I don’t think so!” said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. “This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over Miss Piggy or I will chop your broomstick in half.”
The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.
Jorden hurried over and grabbed Miss Piggy, checking that his favorite toy was all right. Fortunately, Miss Piggy was unharmed.
Jorden thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Gregory. It was starting to get dark.
When Jorden got to Gregory’s house, he threw his arms around him.
“I was so worried!” cried Gregory. “You are very late.”
As Jorden described his day, he could tell that Gregory didn’t believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.
“What’s that?” asked Gregory.
Jorden unwrapped a doorknob made from fruit gums. “Pudding!” he said.
Gregory almost fell off his chair.
The End Witch.
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